Unthought Known: The bottomless pit of odorless shitty thoughts
I don’t like publishing those posts.
They need to get out of me.
It’s like spitting out water after brushing your teeth.
Like nitpicking your teeth after a mouth-watering steak.
Like removing the seat belt while parking the car.
Like reaching for your keys while on the elevator.
The following conversations are an excerpt from a personal conversation whether it is imaginary, schizophrenic, or real that doesn’t really matter.
(sounded like a warning before a movie, no explicit pieces though, all of it, is explicit)
No point in how we got here nor why.
Waking up is hard to do.
Breathing is impossible too.
and as you wake up anxiety kicks like a giant boulder squeezing the chest, a plastic bag wrapped around your head.
Is it panic? is it chaos?
When you’re out of breath, it doesn't really matter, does it?
The thing is most of the time, you’d try to find out what is wrong with your life except that everything seems to be fine.
Nothing major but yet you cannot put your finger on the wrong bug in the back of your head.
Well not while running out of O2 at least.
So people around you, “close ones “ at least start noticing, they will start the long list of suggestions on how to fix yourself.
People get creative around shit that isn’t theirs all the time.
Well, that was a bit harsh, some people really care.
(cheers to all of you at least )
You simply refuse coz you’re one fucking hard hero in your own eyes.
And like Aron Ralston said it :
I’d like to do everything ON MY OWN
You can sit at home for 3, 6, 9 months, just fucking sit with yourself, make a cocoon, get inside, and do NOTHING till you fix your shit.
But the beautiful suggestions go like this :
Therapist deducting after a long talk:
“It was your father that fucked you up in your childhood”You: “Interesting that could be true, it’s not me it’s my parents !”
Therapist: “ You need to take these parents pills til you die”
Psychic: “You were Genghis Khan’s mistress in a past life and he left and never came back, the memory got burned in your soul, and in another life, you were Cleopatra’s sister so you kinda had unworthiness issues”
You explaining why you didn't finish your work to your boss:
“ I was Genghis Khan's mistress that’s why I have anxiety and now I need to breath”
Astrologer: “Mercury is retrograde, don't leave the house for 6 months”
You trying to convince yourself why putting metals in microwaves gets them too hot:
“ Mercury is in the microwave goddamn it !”
Numerologist: when and where were you born?
You: “00.05 AM Djerba”
Numerologist: “Were you a cesarian ?”
You: “yes I was”
Numerologist: “Well you were born 15 minutes early, born in the wrong astrological house, it’s your mother’s fault, she should have waited.”
You get the point right?
Does KNOWING ALL THE ABOVE fix what’s wrong with you?
Sooner or later you’re gonna have to deal with yourself, with your shit I mean. So if it’s an effect of your own actions, your own thoughts, your own emotional addictions unconscious behaviors, and habits, would you agree that you might want to sit your body the fuck down and pay attention to what’s going through your head?
Noticing your addictions to neediness?
Food?
That sweet loving puff of a cigarette in the summerly breezing night?
Fuck the therapist
Fuck the doctor
Fuck the pills
Fuck the numerologist
Fuck “Mercury fucking pluto in the butt” .
Fuck Pluto enjoying it.If there were instructions on how to find happiness
Everyone would complain
“This shit is not working”Enough poetry for now.
A philosophy that you read and wisdom that you love.
If that is not being out in action, it’s useless.
No point in repeating the beautiful quotes if you haven’t formed an opinion about them, if you’re not applying them, if your mind isn’t digesting them.
Yeah on a subconscious level these can alter you, change your mood for a few minutes, days maybe?
Don't ask me, the hell I know!
But how much do you think you're gonna wait for your subconscious mind to fix your shit?
Not talking about actions either, you can sit and meditate, you can work out and be productive and still feel like shit. Read all the self-help books and quote them to your friends.
At its worst, you can repeat that and something’s gotta give right?
You can wait a lifetime and years for that and it is worth it.
“You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?”
~Friedrich Nietzsche
If you think mantras and affirmations and positive thinking are the way or maybe self-development and a healthy productive lifestyle are what you must do.
It’s a recipe missing its essential ingredient
Reaching enlightenment requires walking through your own hell. And that is exactly I kinda hate today’s trend, today’s preachers selling people two affirmations for 50 bucks depending on whether they want to be abundant or sexy.
Life is cruel and if anyone tells you otherwise they are being naive coz outside the box, there’s another box and it’s a never-ending spiral limbo.
It’s a bottomless pit and your attempt to resolve the equation blindly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We're all trapped inside our own prisons and no matter what we do to break the walls is pointless.
This may sound nihilistic or pessimistic.
It is not.
Maybe the door is already open.
Maybe letting go doesn’t require that much of an effort.
Maybe healing requires surrendering to the pain.
And maybe the pain you're feeling now is not enough to free yourself.
And maybe maybe you're already free but you’re not realizing that.
If you’re trying so hard and if you’re super upset about where you are now in life, think again, maybe the above point is what’s fucking your head up.
What if this is all you get?
This.
So instead of putting all your energy into hating where you are and breaking your walls, the answer can be as simple as starting to appreciate where you are while making it better if you want.
It always can get worse, only means where you’re at is something to be grateful for.
~Me
Maybe make your prison a better place even a little. (brush your teeth)
These are just scattered thoughts, paperless books of an isolated mind.
Nobody owns the truth, I’m just here ranting about how I went through the depth of my dark thoughts only to find that it’s a bottomless pit, a very dangerous one I tell you.
And I’m not ranting to you reader. I’m ranting to that other part of me.
The part which is not moving.
The part that is stuck.
The part that enjoys suffering.
The part that loves melancholy.
The part that needs slapping.
I haven’t resolved anything yet nor found satisfying answers, I chewed my own thoughts hundreds of times over the months to reach the conclusion of :
When you don't know the truth. Truth is what you choose to believe, so be wary of what you’re choosing.
it’s easy to be addicted to suffering.
it’s easy to give up on your heart.
it’s easy to even remember your own dreams.
I pray that your soul wakes you up from the dream.
That it stops you from shooting yourself in the foot every day.
That it reminds you of the poems in your heart.
Of the childhood laughter.
I’m not saying that nothing will work but at least when you do something be aware of why you’re doing it.
When you walk, walk for the sake of walking.
When you rant, rant for the sake of ranting.
When you do anything do it for its own sake.
You are an individual.
With your own unique thoughts.
your own unique clothing style.
your own unique opinions.
your own unique emotions.
your own unique fucking facial expressions.
your own unique skills and emotions.
Your own unique orgasms.
Your own unique smell.
Realizing just that in one single moment of presence can leave you in awe and tears of gratitude.
Nobody can be you.
No point in being somebody else.
Nobody will have your suffering.
Because nobody can endure that.
Nobody can walk your path.
Similarities exist but our complexity and different constructs make everything on that path unique to you.
So walk on.
Heads up.
And be you.
Your darkest night.
Your brightest moments.
Only you can see them, feel them, walk through them.
As much of a cliché as it may sound
What are you avoiding?
Why are you worried?
It’s made for you.
Find your lesson,
And learn it.
Find your pain,
And survive.
Find yourself,
And overcome it.
Take a good breath and get the hell out of here.
