A tough act to follow
This will not go in a walk.
This will not go in a talk.
This will not go in a click.
This will not go as we speak.
How can you look ahead and see,
A future without me?
You keep your head up as we speak.
You pretend not to be like me.
Your self-defense is all I see.
Won’t you admit it’s been hard?
Hard to feel.
Hard to breathe.
Hard to imagine having sushi
Without me.
I’ve been hiding in my closet,
With all the memories.
Travels, flights, and getting high without ecstasy.
We were high on our own chemistry.
All eyes on us envying.
Kisses and hugs.
Flights and joints.
I breathed.
I cried.
I sweat.
I ran.
No thing!
As if time hit pause,
Pushing play !!
Pushing play !!
But the plug was pulled away…
If it was that easy to go on without me,
Why am I having a hard time eating sushi?
It doesn't taste the same,
And no one is to blame.
If it’s inevitable to bleed,
I’d rather stay here and spray,
All this black blood in my veins.
The soul is wrenched in the bloody rain.
The heart exploded and it was drained.
Don't you forget
The soul of me,
I left.
Don't you forget
All the kisses,
I pressed.
Don't you forget
All the hugs,
When we slept.
Don't you forget
All the love,
We swept.
All the tears,
We wept.
All the sushi.
All the joints.
All the points.
All the smiles, and the promises
We never kept.
One day I’ll visit,
To check on all of me,
I left in you while I stood in misery.
If I died there don't bury me.
Keep me there don’t carry me.
I can't sleep in the bed
Where all the smells,
All the hugs,
All the joy,
And all the love was bred.
On the floor, I spend the night
At least I know
I won't sight
I won’t fall again
I won’t burn bright
If I was easy to forget,
Why God why?
It’s taking me
A few lifetimes
To disregard all this pain
That’s eating me
It was arrogant of me
Thinking I printed
An unforgettable memory
Thinking I planted a tree
In those green eyes
That cursed me.
~ Unpublished suicide notes Safwen Daghsen 2022
